My choices were hard and I had to think on how I would prepare my family for the inevitable, as I thought at that time. I understood that my passing would present a great trial for my family in many ways, especially financially. And having just a short time before, witnessed a very close friend and mentor pass away, I knew first hand how much of a struggle my family would suffer monetarily. I decided to take out two life insurance policies on myself, unbeknownst to my wife and the first would cover death by natural causes and the other would cover accidental death both were pretty sizable, but the policy covering natural death was denied because of my preexisting condition leaving me only with the accidental death policy.
So there I was sitting in bed alone in my thoughts trying to figure out what direction I would go then it dawned on me. We had just moved to a new home and out back was a swimming pool, some nights I would go out and sit in the pool and just look up at the stars and think. But what if I had an accident, I knew that I did not have the strength to swim so if I happened to swim out to the deep end then tire out and drown then my family would be secured after all I was going to die anyways. So there I had it, my ultimate plan my family would be secure. So one night when everyone was asleep, I put on my trunks, walked out to the pool got in and sat there on the steps for a minute to have what was to be my final conversation with God. We talked about my sons and my wife, my friends and family, all those that would be left behind but I had made my decision. Then he showed me my body faced down in that water floating and my poor family finding me like that and I thought what if my wife out of her love and pain decides to jump in and get me, she cant swim so maybe she would drown and with that thought I knew this was a bad idea. So I just stayed there, eventually I got up went back into the house took a shower and get back in bed. The next morning when I awoke life at our home was still the same. My children were still playing and laughing, my wife was cooking breakfast and I was still sick.
Sometimes life gives us hard choices and there are things, we will suffer through that don't seem fair and maybe it's not. But we have to endure. A few months after that night my wife gathered my sons and came up with the idea of a online fundraiser that helped to raise money for my holistic treatment and the friends and family that I was willing to leave behind gave what they had to help and then about a year later I was blessed with a patron who paid all of the cost of my treatment. Now everyday I am getting stronger and stronger and returning to my life's work of helping others and inspiring others.Never give up on life. Keep your faith, no matter what is in front of you whether it is the everyday struggle of life or even death itself. The purpose for which all of us were born into this world is far beyond what we have imagined. We cannot fathom the depth of God and all that has gone into the production of you. Your beginning is in the mind of God and all the forces of this universe that we live in throughout time as culminated into your birth and all these trials and struggles that we suffer I designed to bring out of us the best of what is hidden in us. As we mentioned in earlier blogs all birth is accompanied with pain but the new life that is borne out of you makes you forget the pain, then we heal and life starts over again.
My life is starting over again it would have been shameful to end it that night. In the end I decided to push on through my struggles and if you decide to do the same you will be rewarded. It's not easy, but truthfully the consequences of quitting and giving in aren't easier so you might as well accept the challenge of life and fight for your victory.
PUSH ON THROUGH THE STRUGGLE
Brother Tremikus.
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